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Dual Strap Stabilization
Provides just enough support while ensuring an entirely unforgettable experience. -
Barely Legal Whale Tail Aero-Cut™
Designed to increase speed by decreasing coverage and dignity for maximum airflow (legal status pending in certain states). -
Hydration, Straight from the Source (Sort of)
Carry fuel, fluids, and fearlessness with hands-free hydration and snack attachments. -
Bluetooth Capability
Because why should your headphones be the only smart gear you own? (Note: Connection range is approximately 3 feet. To your own regret.)
The MARATHONG
✓ Backed by the Skratch Labs Guarantee
We guarantee that our products will help you perform better. If they don’t, we’ll help you find something else or refund your purchase. It’s on us -- when you buy from a Skratch Labs Authorized Reseller -- because we’re here to help.
Earn 10 points on every $1 spent with Skratch Loyalty Lab!
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Dual Strap Stabilization
Provides just enough support while ensuring an entirely unforgettable experience. -
Barely Legal Whale Tail Aero-Cut™
Designed to increase speed by decreasing coverage and dignity for maximum airflow (legal status pending in certain states). -
Hydration, Straight from the Source (Sort of)
Carry fuel, fluids, and fearlessness with hands-free hydration and snack attachments. -
Bluetooth Capability
Because why should your headphones be the only smart gear you own? (Note: Connection range is approximately 3 feet. To your own regret.)
I’ve Never Felt More Free!
It’s the best investment I’ve made in both speed and shocking my friends.
Jamie G Verified Buyer
Unexpectedly Awesome!
Yes, people will talk. Yes, you will be faster. Worth it? Completely.
Blake P. Verified Buyer
Most Talked-About Runner on the Trail
Great for races, terrible for family-friendly fun runs.
Robin B Verified Buyer
Not for the Faint of Heart
Would I wear this to the gym? No. Would I wear it for speed? Absolutely.
Sky Verified Buyer
A Rear-volution in Endurance Gear. Built for speed. Not decency.
In Jim Fixx’s 1977 book The Complete Book of Running, he didn’t just discuss the physical benefits of running—he explored the confidence it builds. Here at Skratch Labs, we believe that performance and confidence go hand in hand. That’s why we’re proud (and slightly concerned) to introduce our most aerodynamic innovation yet: The MARATHONG—the perfect solution for the minimalist athlete who believes less is more.
Born in the Lab. Perfected with Questionable Judgment.
Deep within our classified testing facility in Coal Creek Canyon, we spent countless hours engineering the perfect running short. But after 137 prototypes and one existential crisis, we realized:
The problem isn’t the short. The problem is that the short exists.
Thus, The MARATHONG was born—a performance hydration thong designed to reduce drag, eliminate excess fabric, and make other runners question everything.
🍑We Cracked The Code on Innovation: Key Features & Cheeky Cutting-Edge Tech
👀 High-Visibility Design: Not because of reflectivity, but because no one will ever unsee it.
🚀 Zero-Gravity Compression – By removing all unnecessary fabric, we’ve achieved ultimate weight reduction. It’s not just light—it’s practically nonexistent.
💦 Anti Tushy Trench™ Moisture Management System – Advanced airflow technology that ensures your sweat has nowhere to go but…well, you get it.
🔄 Self-Confidence Booster – No race day jitters when everyone else is more uncomfortable than you.
👃 Odor Repellant (Unconfirmed) – It’s a thong. There’s nowhere for the smell to hide—for better or for worse.
🏅 “DNF-Proof” – No one has ever dropped out of a race in the MARATHONG. Why? Because you’ll run faster than ever to get to the finish and put on real clothes.
Disclaimer:
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The MARATHONG is not OSHA-certified.
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May void your gym membership.
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May cause race photographers to retire early.
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Not responsible for unsolicited cheers, jeers, or emergency blankets from concerned onlookers.
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DO NOT wear near open flames. Or closed flames. Or any flames, really.
Sizing Chart:
